‘My daughter enjoys college, but it is getting her there consistently that is the problem’

We have a 17-year-old daughter who is diagnosed with autism and has an Education, Health and Care plan (EHCP). She found mainstream secondary school too much, so eventually we were able to get her one-to-one support and she managed to get five GCSEs after not having attended school for three years.
She is very bright and is now in college, but struggling once again to attend. It is like a barrier comes down and she can’t get out of the car. The difficulties start before she gets in the car – we can see from her body language and mannerisms whether she will or won’t go in.
She enjoys college once there, but it is getting her there consistently that is the problem. Her attendance is now at 50 per cent, and there are questions being asked by the college as to whether this is the right setting for her. We feel it is the right place as she has come on in herself so much and her self-esteem has improved greatly. I wonder what we can do to support her to get over this or through this.
We all walk on eggshells at home. If I go into work she can’t go to college, so I have adjusted my work to suit, but I am not sure how long this will last for. Would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions you have.
Many autistic teenagers can struggle with attending school or college. The college environment can be experienced as stressful and overwhelming, and may not match their learning styles nor meet their social nor sensory needs. This can lead to intense anxiety and avoidance, which makes it hard to attend, especially on days of increased stress. In addition, the daily stress can accumulate and lead to fatigue and burnout, meaning that on some days these teens don’t have the energy to attend.
In trying to help your daughter, it is important to get a detailed understanding of her college experience and what is going well for her, and what is more challenging. It might be useful to sit down with her and go through the college day and consider all the different aspects.
When working with teenagers, I find it useful to do a survey where I ask them to rate all aspects of the school day on a scale ranging from enjoyable to stressful. This might include 1) arrival, 2) assembly, 3) classes and teaching, 4) social chats in groups, 5) questions and interaction, 6) corridors and transition, 6) break and yard times, 7) departures, etc.
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Such surveys can reveal surprising things that are going well (such as a love of a certain subject or a teaching style or a new friend), along with challenges you had not considered. One child I worked with found arrival at a busy school overwhelming, and so was given an accommodation of arriving slightly earlier and going to the library to meet a teacher. Another found pressure to speak up or to present work in front of the whole class provoked intense anxiety, and was given alternative ways to present their work to the teacher.
I am struck by the fact that you have already made a lot of progress, in that your daughter has moved from no attendance to 50 per cent in her new college. It is worth taking time to explore this. What is she enjoying more in the new college? What is making it easier to attend? This will give you clues as to how further progress can be made.
It is interesting that you can notice signs in your daughter’s body language that predict early on in the day how she is feeling. Try to help her articulate what is going on for her at these times so you can both have a better understanding. You might compassionately inquire: “Does it feel like a bad day? Tell me what you are feeling.”
What might work in helping her depends on what is going on for her. For example, if she is fatigued and simply does not have the energy to take on the college day, it might be useful to anticipate this in advance and allow her to attend for reduced hours or to take the day off to recover. One teen I worked with was given a limited number of passes they could use to take a day off school when needed – giving them control like this avoided unnecessary daily battles to get them to school.
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Alternatively, if your daughter finds it hard to attend due to anxiety or worry about an aspect of the school day, you might explore how she can manage this anxiety and still attend. This is especially the case if she is enjoying school once she gets there, and the anxiety is holding her back. Managing anxiety like this takes a lot of patience and involves both trying to make changes in the school day to reduce the stress and supporting your daughter to cope with her outlook so it no longer stops her attending. You may need the support of an informed professional to assist with this, as well as the support of the teachers.
It is important to collaboratively work with the college teachers to support your daughter’s attendance. Many of the accommodations that might make a difference, such as extra supports or changes to her school day, are ones that the school itself has to implement. Arrange a meeting and point out how much progress your daughter has made (improved self-esteem and moving from no attendance to 50 per cent), and ask for support in maintaining this progress.
Hopefully your daughter’s EHCP will be useful in gaining the teachers’ co-operation and support. It can be useful to agree a shared plan of action and to review this at a date in the future.